FAQs

 

What are FAQs?

Normally, FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions.  But, because this website is new and no one has asked us any questions, it stands for Fraudulently Assembled Questions.  Either way, the “s” is superfluous.

Who, or what, is Doctor Deplorable?

Silly question.  Doctor Deplorable is an American Bald Eagle with a stethoscope draped around his neck, and red, white and blue design elements.  He is our trademark, and use of his image without permission is strictly prohibited.  He is also the logo and the mascot for the book, Political Characters A to Z.

Is it true that the Washington Post has favorably reviewed the book?

Well, technically, it wasn’t a review and it wasn’t favorable.  But yes.  Mike recently visited CPAC and parked himself at a table on which he displayed Doctor Deplorable posters.  Alexandra Petri happened to be sitting next to Mike and the two carried on a pleasant conversation in between her typing on her computer and Mike chatting with CPAC attendees.  Later that day, Ms. Petri’s WaPo piece about CPAC contained this passage, which obliquely referenced the posters and her discussions with Mike about our book and about conservative kids’ books in general:

. . . Ocasio-Cortez . . . looms like a dread colossus, approaching ever closer to say ‘um’ and ‘like’ and to infect your children with socialism and dance. We do not want her Green New Deal!  We do not like her youth and zeal! . . .  Ocasio-Cortez as the Statue of Liberty, looking ominous!  Nancy Pelosi in . . . ‘A Chorus Line’? Looking as ominous as one can in something resembling ‘A Chorus Line’!”

Perhaps Mike shouldn’t have told Ms. Petri that he doesn’t read the Post because he doesn’t want to give Jeff Bezos any money.  Eh, we prefer truth over tact every time.

Did you obtain permission from the media and political figures depicted in the book to use their likenesses?

Are you kidding?

What if my children are too young to understand the book?

You’d be surprised how much little kids comprehend.  However, for those who really are too young, we have added simple alphabet words in many of the illustrations.  In “P is for Pundits” you can point to Hillary’s pearls or her pantsuit.  The “Talking Points” picture contains six top hats.  The “Boondoggle” illustration includes the California bear.  Can you spot alphabet items on any of the other pages?  Don’t you hate the condescending tone in that last sentence?

Do any adults buy the book simply for their own enjoyment?

Of course they do.  Maybe not just yet.  But, hey, why not be the first?  As Mom used to say when we complained about the unstylish clothes we had to wear to school, “Start a trend!”  (Seriously though, everybody who has ever read to a child knows that the best read-aloud books are made to be entertaining to the adults who will do the reading.)  Go on.  Treat yourself.  You know you want to.

Will you sell my email address or other information about me to any third parties?

Wow!  We can do that?

Seriously, we would never, ever do that without first obtaining your informed consent.  None of that check the box to agree to 36 unread and unreadable pages before you’re allowed to do anything meaningful on the website.  We’re your buddies.

I looked for Doctor Deplorable’s Political Characters A to Z at [my local bookstore] [some other appropriate place] and couldn’t find it.  What gives?

Are you on our website?  Is the book available for sale here?  Are you able to purchase all the copies you could possibly want?  Well then, what gives with you?

How long did it take the two of you to write and illustrate Political Characters A to Z?

Mike started writing the book in October 2018 and Kyle came on board as the illustrator about two months later, shortly after Mike competed his first draft of the book.  So, about six years.

Do you plan to write other books?

Mike’s daydreams of overwhelming success know no bounds.  A publishing empire based on books that Deplorable parents will love is just the tip of the iceberg.  We’re planning a television sitcom, an eagle-based theme park ride, a Broadway musical with a score by Sir Paul McCartney (Les Deplorables), and a three-month Vegas residency (we’re thinking: The Eagle has Landed . . . in the Mirage).  (Aren’t you glad we didn’t say Flamingo?)  Somewhere in between those projects, we’re likely to need a little time for the customary celebrity stint in rehab.  For the eagle.  At the moment, though, we would be happy to break even, maybe make a little money, and then see where things go from there.  We will certainly keep you posted, unless you tell us that you’d really rather not hear from us again.

What is the ISBN for your book?

978-1-7337665-0-0.  Why do you ask?

Can I submit a review or blurb about your book?

You bet!  Feel free to review the book on the Amazon website.  Also, anything you write to us here will be considered for use as a review or a blurb for the back of the book.  We are grateful for any positive feedback, but we ask that you please keep your criticisms to yourself.  You don’t think we criticize ourselves enough without you adding your two cents?  We are very sensitive artistes.  (That’s French, BTW, which is why we italicized it.)  Be nice to us so we don’t get all Snowflake on you.

Can I get a copy of the book signed by both Mike and Kyle?

It’ll cost you.

We’d be happy to provide you with a fully-signed copy of the book if you request one and pay the list price.  (We told you it’d cost you.)  Because Mike lives in the good ole’ U S of A and Kyle lives in Canada, delivery of your book may be delayed if Mike doesn’t have any Kyle-signed copies on hand.

If you are looking for a book that has been “signed” by Doctor Deplorable, you are delusional.  But it’s a good kind of delusion because, as everyone knows, the customer is always right.  Being professional talon scouts, we could quickly rustle up some eagle talons without breaking too many laws, dip them in ink, and scratch out some nonsense on one of the blank pages in the book.  But are you sure you want to be explaining that to your kids when they’re older?  Maybe you want to think a little bit before you jump down that particular rabbit hole.

Is Kyle Fleming really an Etch-a-Sketch Genius?

Kyle is the Etch-a-Sketch Genius.  After you buy at least one book and one piece of swag from this website, you can go visit Kyle at https://kyleflemingsart.weebly.com/etch-a-sketch-art.html and see what we are talking about.  It just may   Blow.  Your.   Mind.

Is Doctor Deplorable’s Political Characters A to Z being made into a movie?

Don’t be silly.  You know perfectly well that this book has no chance of being made into a movie, what with the conspiracy among liberals in Hollywood to boycott anything that cannot be given a left-wing slant and also the book’s utter lack of any semblance of a plot.

What’s the deal about First Editions?

You should do a little computer research about the value of first editions of famous or important books.  Go ahead; we’ll wait right here.

Okay, now that you’re back you can see how buying one of the 750 paperbacks from our first edition, first printing lot might prove to be a valuable investment over time.  I mean, think about it.  Children’s books go through a lot of wear and tear.  Figure at least 500 of the 750 books are going to be worthless garbage in a few years.  That leaves 250, of which at least 50 are being given away by the author to friends, family and influential people.  Now just imagine that you buy two copies – 1% of the remaining available amount.  You read one to your kids and you keep one pristine in its original packaging.  And Doctor Deplorable becomes a huge success, and there are dozens of Doctor Deplorable books on the market.  And you own a first edition, first printing of the first book, in pristine condition.  Do you see where we’re going with this?  Do you?

 

Remember what happened with Beanie Babies.

Don’t get fooled again. 

Past pricing of Dr. Seuss books is no guarantee of future success with Doctor Deplorable books.  Consult with your financial advisor before buying anything.